Refinding the Joy

For most of the years I have been playing, I had a saying.  I would say that  'There are lots of people who play and sing better than I do, but no one enjoys it any more."  That remains true, though in the last year, I feel as though I have lost a bit of that joy.  Not in my core, but some in my exhibition of the joy I am feeling when I play.

It may have something to do with the stroke I had the summer of 2009, and it may not.  It has happened since that time though.  I first noticed it on some of the recordings we had made of performances. After listening to them, I told David (Buck) that something was missing to me.  It did not sound like I was having fun.  I wasn't telling many jokes, or even talking a lot.  After hearing those playbacks, I started noticing it as it was happening.  I wasn't as quick as normal, wasn't moving much or tapping my toes even.  I was still experiencing joy inside, but it wasn't bubbling to the outside.  I would find that I wasn't even smiling much of the time, and that was not the me I had been for so long.

So as I am getting started again on a solo performance road, I find myself working on songs and picking, singing, stories and jokes, and in finding the joy to share with my audience.  It is there, I just have to make sure it shows.  Music has to be fun to you or it will be too much work.  It does take a lot of time to practice, to travel, and to perform.  But it is always worth it to me.  Before I was taking Blood pressure medicine, I found that performing would lower my blood pressure.  Now that I am a Type 2 Diabetic, I have found that performing lowers my blood sugar just as much as walking does.  It has health benefits for me, as well as spiritual and soul enriching benefits.  I do love to play and perform.  And I thank those of you who come out to support me as I do.

I look forward to seeing you down the road.  If I don't have a smile, give me one of yours.

Nelson